Cold hands, warm shart.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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