Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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