I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
