She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
