areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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