she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
