It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
