I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
