i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
birth control should be required to get into college
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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