Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
