i think my tv is drunk
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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