hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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