Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just want nice things and good sex
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
