what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I have fence marks all over my body
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
