Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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