p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
