hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
