hotel room ftw
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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