Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
