Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
