you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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