she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
