The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
