My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
