Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
