whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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