can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I wish there were birth control emojis
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
