Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
