I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
