apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
