It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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