so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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