Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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