you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I am naked and annoyed.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
