Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
