dude i'm inner monologue high
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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