Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
wow bdsm is so cute
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
