worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
