You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
