Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
