am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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