things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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