where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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