gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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