I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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