Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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