I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
