Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
