That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Randomize
