I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
