guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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