I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
