Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
