So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I smell like Dick and happiness
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
